Back and Forth
by Eternal Happiness
Summary: Allen transfers to Black Order High after being at a gifted musician school for three years. Changes happen and Allen isn't sure he can keep up with it all. Laven, possible fluff.
1. Chapter 1

I've never stayed in one place for long. Always moving around never growing attached to anyone. Except my father Mana. Even though he adopted me he loves me and I love him. Isn't that enough? Although all good things must come to an end, that's universal law. He was murdered by "The Earl" four years ago. I will keep walking... For you Mana.

"Oi brat! I need you to leave for a couple hours!" My master, Cross, yells at me from the living room. I swing my legs over the side of the bed, cool carpet greets me in response. I briskly walk over to my closet and grab a white button-up linen shirt with short sleeves. I slide my shin high boots over my black pants and quickly lace them.

Walking downstairs I'm greeted by the giggles of my master's new mistress And the nauseating smell I've alcohol. I focus my eyes on my escape; I've never thought I'd be glad to see a painted wooden door. Reaching for the door I hear the women gasp at my blood red arm. Internally I sigh, I may hear the gasps a lot but that doesn't mean I like it.

"Allen your jacket, it's cold outside." I smile at him and reach for my black hoodie. Walking out into the icy November air I slip on the jacket and gloves that were in the pocket. Even though master is abusive and a drunk he slightly cares, even if it is to save himself.

I start walking towards the place I always go to when master has women over, the park that has the rusty swings. Back when I was in England on the days when Mana and I don't have to work at the circus we would head to a abandoned park. Sure the place had overgrown weeds and was pretty much a safety hazard, it was our place.

Walking into a clearing, I see all the rusty slides that slightly tilt to the left. The marry-go-round that wouldn't even turn because it was so rusted and my favorite the swings. The swings were probably the safest thing in this run-down park manly because I take very good care of them, I even replaced the chain once or twice.

Sitting on the old leather seat I begin to swing back and forth, slowly gaining height. Pumping my legs back and forth following the swings movements I begin to feel like a bird. Forgetting my troubles and just flying is the best thing anyone could do, it makes you feel like you could take on any challenge life gives you. Even climb the highest mountains the world has to offer. I can't let this go to my head, because then I might start having dreams; I don't want to be let down again.

An hour into my swinging I begin to hear twigs snap around me but I dismiss it as some random animal. More twigs begin to snap and I look around but the wind is blowing my silvery hair all over.

"Hello?" I call out but nobody responds. I continue swinging happily until I see a red headed teen step out of the trees in front of me.

"I didn't know anyone else came out here besides me." His shiny green eyes look at me intensely.

"I only come here for the swings." I smile and I start to slow down. The red head steps closer and I begin to notice his body features. Like how his red hair was tied with a black bandana, and he was wearing the Black Order High School uniform although his pants looked like they were too tight.

"You're British aren't you?" He asks slyly.

I nod,"I moved here when I was thirteen. Is it that obvious?" I laugh as my swing begins to stop.

"Just a little bit." He laughs, and begins to relax his shoulders. "How come I haven't seen you around-"

"Allen, my name is Allen." I smile and hold out my hand. The red head takes it,"Lavi, my name is Lavi."

"Nice to meet you! I go to a different school than you, although I'm thinking of transferring."

"How are you in a different school? This is the smallest town in the entire world!" Lavi waves his hands outward just to make a point.

"Oh I travel to New York City for school." I look at my feet.

"That's two hours away!" Lavi yells.

"Yup, I know it's just I got a scholarship to the school so I took it. I'm not very good when it comes to academics."

"Then what's the school for?" Lavi leans on a rusted pole.

"Gifted musicians." I mumble under my breath.

"What do you play?" The red head leans in.

"Piano, and I sing a bit too. Not very often though." I start to play with the glove on my right hand.

"Wow that's amazing Allen, all Im good at is history and speaking different languages."

"That's a wonderful talent too! I've traveled a lot so that would have helped me!" I reassure him.

"Oh really?" He begins to smirk. "Where have you traveled?" He pushes off the bar he was leaning on.

"All over Europe actually." I look down at my phone and it says I have a new message. "Pardon me Lavi, but I have to take this." I unlock the screen and I notice its from master Cross. My eyes widen as I open the message

_ Won't be back for a couple of days. Take care of yourself. _

So much for him caring, I think to myself. I should really get home but I don't want to be rude to Lavi.

"Anything wrong?" Lavi asks innocently.

"It's just I should get back to my house before something back happens." What a lame excuse Allen...

"Why don't I walk you back?" Lavi smiles.

"No, no I can't take care of myself. I may not look like it but I'm pretty tough." I put my hands on my hips. Lavi raises an eyebrow and I smile. I begin to walk back to my ever present house but for some reason I turn around. Lavi's eyes meet my own and I begin to blush.

"Your hair looks like rabbit ears!" I yell at him and stomp away.

**(A.N) Yay! I uploaded my first fan fiction and Im so excited about writing this! If you have any criticism, comments, or anything else let me know! Thank you and see you next chapter! **


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N) Hey peoples of the interwebs! I'm so glad you guys like B&F so here's the new chapter. I worked really hard on this so I hope you like it. I promise new chapters on Monday *possibly* haha soooorry... Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own -Man I don't make any profit.**

Ever since yesterday I couldn't get Lavi out of my head, but the one thing that drove me crazy about him was his smile. I sigh and fall backwards, landing on my bed with an audible 'thud'. Just forget about him Allen, he's only going to bring you trouble. Ah, but he's so amazing! I mean his hair it looks amazing, even if it _does_ look like rabbit ears. Lavi is just unforgettable, even if I really don't know him that well. I do know that he goes to school at Black Order High... Maybe I can ask Lenalee to help me out she practically knows everybody in that school. It also helps when you have a town population less than 1,000. After arguing with myself for a good twenty minutes, I resolve that I will head over to her house tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be interesting, I can feel it!

Putting on my hoodie again, I walk out the house making sure I lock the door. If anyone breaks into the house I'm pretty sure master would find a way to blame it on me. I shiver at the thought of what master would do if he found out. Reaching into my pocket I pull out my headphones; and silently walking down the street silently listening to Coldplay. **(A/N) I LOVE Coldplay so no judging!) **Smiling at myself for my choice of music, I reach Lenalee's driveway. Briskly walking up to the door, I begin to have the feeling that someone is watching me. As soon as my knuckles touch the door the piece of wood rips open and someone tackles me.

"Allen I missed you so much! Why do you never text or call?" Big purple eyes stare at my suspiciously.

"Can't breathe..." I tap her back. "Oh sorry.." She gets off me and when I take her she drags me into her room. Lenalee's room is very similar to a typical fangirl, but she isn't a typical fangirl. She's more a K-pop and manga/yaoi fangirl. Yes I said yaoi. Lenalee has posters of K-pop bands covering every wall top to bottom. Her book shelf is filled with endless volumes of yaoi. I have to say her room really scared me.

"So who is this person who caught your attention? Is it some NYC bigshot?"" She begins to get really excited.

"No they live here." I choose my words really carefully so I don't tip her off that its a boy. I don't want the wrath of her yaoi obssesion...

"Boy or girl?" Its like she can read my mind! I stay quiet and refuse to meet her eyes. "Come on Allen I've known you for three years! Three! You can tell me!" I give into her demands.

"Boy..." My cheeks instantly become red. "Oh my gosh Allen I'm so happy for you!" Now tell me... WHO IS IT?" Lenalee begins to shake me violently.

"That's why I came here! You know everybody so I was hoping you knew him too." I begin to pull on my thumbs which is a really bad habit of mine.

"Spit it out Allen! Your suspense is killing me!" Lenalee begins to shake me harder.

"Its killing me too! His name is Lavi! Can you let go of my know?" Her hands drop to her lap and her head hangs low.

"Oh Allen..." I look at her and her eyes are glistening with tears. "Why do you pick the most unavailable man alive?"

"What do you mean Lenalee" My chest begins to feel really tight.

"Lavi has been dating the samae guy for two years! Everyone thinks they are going to get married one day, I'm so sorry Allen. They are the 'it' item of the school..." Lenalee puts her head into her hands, worried I tap her shoulder and smile at her.

"Don't worry Lenalee... Its just a minor crush I'll get over him soon. I promise." After I say that she really begins to cry. I begin to panic, fearing the wrath of her brother I try to stop her from crying. In attempt I offer her a piece of happy news. "Oh Lenalee I forgot to tell you I'm transferring schools. She sniffs and rubs her eyes.

"To where?"

"To Black Order High of course!" A smile slowly creeps on her face. " You're kidding right?" I shake my head, and for the second time today I get tackled/hugged.

I'm riding on cloud nine. I no longer have to get up at four o'clock in the morning just to head to school, and I found out I have all my classes with Lenalee! Finally I'm walking forward, no longer looking at the past. I know if Mana was here he would be happy for me. Suddenly tears slide down my face. I begin to freak out, why am I crying? Oh Mana... why can't I be happy without you? As I begin to bawl, I look in my drawer feeling for the sharp object. That object... it's my only friend beside Lenalee. Tears pour down my cheeks and litter the floor. Just as I put the cold knife on my skin, my phone goes off. _Who would be texting me at this hour?_ I found out that Lenalee texted me. I smile at myself as I read her text.

**Allen guess what just happened?! Lavi just asked about you! Maybe there's hope after all ;)**

Smiling I wipe my tears, and put the knife back in the drawer. Why does Lenalee know when I'm about to cut? I tap the screen in response.

_Thanks Lenalee. Just maybe :)_

Tired from the crying I lay on my bed just staring at my phone, wondering if Lenalee would text me back. Maybe I do have a chance with Lavi after all.

**(A/N) I finished typing! Yay so happy! I thought this was going to be a really short chapter, but I guess I was wrong. And to all those giving me favorites reviews and followings thank you so much! I GIVE YOU A GOLDEN STAR! So I've been watching a lot of Glee lately... Anywho see you next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own -Man this is totally fan made.**

My excitement for going to a new school quickly ended as soon as I walked up to the building. It was a rather small tan building, maybe one story. A small dirt parking lot off to the side; cars start pouring in kicking up a storm of dust. My eyes start darting around looking at the groups, jocks, cheerleaders, nerds, and then the emo kids. I shake my head at their excessive use of eyeliner and a foundation a shade too light. Internally yelling at myself for spending WAY too much time with Lenalee, I begin to thread through the crowds. Sighing with relief I see Lenalee hanging out with some guy with really long hair. He kind of looks like he bit into a lemon and didn't like the taste.

"Lenalee!" I come running up smiling.

"Allen!" She hugs me also smiling. "I thought you weren't starting 'til next week."

"Yea I thought so too but the principal told to come today. I'm supposed to head to his office, but I don't know where it is." Lenalee grabs my hands, and starts dragging me into the school.

"I'll take you. Our principal is super cool and fun. I think he's British too." Sweet, I don't think I have to hide my accent here like I had to at that snobby music school. Walking through the doubles doors, I'm actually quite surprised. The floors are shiny white tile, and the lockers are an eye catching red.

"Odd school colors don't you think?" I ask Lenalee who finally let go of my hand.

"I think it matches you perfectly Allen." Lenalee smiles at me. I don't know if I should take that as an insult… She leads me to a shiny wood door with word 'office' on it. Slightly shaking I reach for the doorknob.

"I'll go with you, for moral support." Hand in hand we walk into that office feeling like nothing can stop us.

I walk into that room practically defenseless. What happens next in these events is not particularly good in retrospect. I guess I should tell you what happened instead of making you extremely confused. As soon as that door opens my stomach drops and I'm pretty sure my heart stops too. It's him, how is he here? I thought he was arrested in put into jail.

"You…" I whisper under my breath.

"Huh? Allen do you know our principal Mr. Earl?" Hearing that name makes me want to puke out my innards.

"Oh yes." He smiles wickedly just like that night. "We've met in England. Do you remember Allen?"

"It's impossible to forget." I whisper into my hands. I feel tears threatening to break the surface. "When I heard a Walker was coming I had to greet him. How is your father doing? Last time I saw you, you were in a circus." The Earl asks with an "innocent" smile.

"Since when were you in the circus Allen? Also principal his father died…" Lenalee steps in. "I need to go…" I run out of the room trying to find the nearest bathroom so I can call Cross. Luckily there was one right across the hall; quickly locking myself in a stall I begin to dial his number. As it rings I'm hoping, no praying that he answers me. Two rings… please just once be there for me Cross! Now four, I fall into a pit of despair.

"What do you want brat?" Cross's voice sounds like sweet music to my ears.

"He's here… the Earl." I hold my phone closer to my ear with a new sense of hope.

"Are you sure it's not just another hallucination again?" Cross begins to sound a little less annoyed.

"I'm positive, he's the principal here."

"Well shit… I'll be right there." I hear shuffling noises in the background.

"Thank you." I hit end, and quietly sit on the toilet, waiting for him to get here. Almost home scot-free I hear _his_ voice.

"Bean Sprout you in there?" Lavi's voice filters through the door. An argument happens outside the door just as my phone rumbles with a text from Cross. 'Here', man that word gave me so much joy. Carelessly thinking I walk out the door oblivious to the argument just outside the door.

"Allen!" Lenalee grabs my shoulders. "Why did you run out?" She looks so concerned and it tears me up inside. I made her feel like this.

"I'm just not ready for this kind of school yet. I'm sorry I made you worry."

"So where you going Bean Sprout?" Lavi puts his hand on my head, I quickly shake it off.

"Home. Someone is picking me up." After I quickly hug Lenalee I walked down the hall relived.

"Oh Allen are you okay?" Chills go through my body. Why, again the Earl greets me.

"Y-yes I was just leaving." I continue walking but he stops me again.

"What's the rush?" He smiles wickedly again.

"You know why. You took my father away from me, and now I live with an abusive godfather. You also took my piece of mind and my sanity. Stay the hell away from me you monster." I quickly run out the double the doors and run into master's car.

"Wanna talk about it?" Cross asks somewhat nicely.

"No…" I finally let the tears flow.

"Now I have a date. Don't do anything stupid okay?" I nod numbly; walking upstairs I fall asleep on the bed.

_ A ten year old Allen is roaming the alleyways looking for his father. Hearing Mana's voice he runs around the corner seeing his father laying on the ground bleeding._

_ "Daddy, what's going on?"I run up to his side tears slipping down my face._

_ "Oh who is this? Did he just say daddy?" The evil man laughs wickedly. He kneels down to me. "Now, now I just sent your daddy to a better place, and know I'm going to claim you mine forever."He pulls out his knife and begins to carve into my face._

I wake up covered in sweat and tears. He told me not to do anything stupid but I'm going to do it. Quickly finding my knife I rush into the bathroom, I'm so sorry Mana. I close my eyes and let flow.

**Ah! Poor Allen why am I doing this to you?! I feel so bad for him, but I must keep writing! I'm so so so so so sorry! Any who I'll post the next story soon I promise.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own -Man this is purely fan made**

I wake up in a bathtub that's filled with bloody water. Clumps of soap bubbles dyed red, cling to the corners. Feeling a little woozy I raise my right arm to check out the damage. Three five millimeter cuts plague my arm. Sighing I grab the first aid kit I keep next to the bathtub just in case something like this happens. Grabbing the needle and thread I begin to sew my arm back to its former glory. I'm such a broken person; I don't even think this thread can help me now. Finished, I smile at my handiwork. It's a good thing I'm ambidextrous. I drain the bathtub and quickly scrub the leftover blood from the sides. With gauze wrapped around my arm I head to my bed to sleep more comfortably.

I'm woken up by my phone ringing nonstop. Rolling over to my side, I cover my head with a pillow trying to block at the noise. The ringing doesn't stop after five minutes, finally fed up I answer the phone.

"Hello?" I sit up.

"Ah Bean Sprout you finally answered!" Lavi's voice comes through the other side of the phone. "Is it okay if I come over?"

"Uh sure but do you know where I live?" Finally alert I feel a dull throbbing in my right arm.

"Lenalee told me." I roll my eyes. "I'll be there in five." Lavi hangs up which leaves me standing in the middle of the room dumbstruck. Quickly thinking about my cuts I grab a black jacket and pilot over my shoulders. I look down and forgot I wasn't wearing any pants, so I quickly pull on a pair of shorts. By the time I finish getting dressed I hear a knock on the door. I run downstairs opening the door I see Lavi standing there like a Greek God.

"Come on it." I wave at him using my left arm. He quickly walks in and before I shy the door he gets down to business.

"So tell me what freaked you out yesterday."

"What do you mean?" I join him on the couch.

"You can't pull off the clueless act Allen. Now talk."

"Why does everybody want to talk about it? Even Cross gives a damn!" I yell out loud. Lavi looks at me sympathetic.

"We want to help you Allen." Lavi says calmly.

"I'm broke Lavi, not even you can fix me." I look away from him not being able to stomach his gaze_._

_"_I can try Allen! Let me try! Please." Lavi grabs both of my arms tightly and I wince at his touch. Confused Lavi quickly rolls up my sleeves, and he sees my blood soaked bandaged arm. Then he sees my crimson arm and I yank them away embarrassed.

"Allen do you cut?" Lavi asks quietly.

"You need to leave." I point at the door but he doesn't move a muscle.

"What would make you do this Allen? Please tell me why you cut." The red head keeps staring at my arm.

"Leave Lavi."

"I'm trying to help you Allen!"

"Lavi leave!"

"No I won't." Lavi crosses his arms stubbornly.

"Why do you care Lavi?! You're not even my friend!" I yell at him.

"Yes you're right, I'm not your friend but I want to be so much more than that. Allen why can't you see that I like you? I can't stand seeing you like this."

**I'M SO SORRY! This is such a short chapter and I really didn't want to post it but I decided I probably should. But now I'm going to write throughout the night and make the longest chapter ever! But until then I bid you adieu! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own -Man and I probably never will so... yea. This is purely fan made no money was made in the process of this fan fiction enjoy :)**

"Stop messing with me Lavi, I really want you to leave now…" I look at my feet, my chest beginning to feel heavy. Why would Lavi pull such a horrible prank like this? He has a boyfriend; I'm nothing compared to that man. Tyki I think his name was… I can't remember much from what Lenalee told me that other day.

"What would I possibly have to gain by playing a joke such as this? Allen do you happen to believe in love at first sight?" Lavi questions me as he slowly creeps closer towards me.

"What rubbish…" Quickly closing my mouth to regain my composure and stop that stupid accent of mine. Slowing my breathing I close my eyes calming down slightly. Opening my eyes after a brief moment I exhale slowly calming my nerves even more. "You already have a boyfriend you stupid rabbit."

"Lavi laughs as if I told a joke, "Trust me that relationship isn't going to last much longer I can tell you that much…" The red head's mood changes with the snap of my fingers; his expression becomes dark as if recalling a bad memory.

"Lavi, I would love to be in a relationship with you I really would but I don't want to be known as the person who breaks you two up." I start at Lavi as he begins to process what I just told him, and I have to say he looks like he's about to burst into tears. Why did I such stupid things, I mentally beat myself up for it. Thinking dark thoughts Lavi snaps me out of it, which I'm thankful for. If he didn't I would have probably end up killing myself, accidentally, later.

"Hey Allen could we be friends? Since you won't date me it would be better if we were friends right? That is if you would like that?" Lavi starts talking nervously; he begins playing with his fingers. Awestruck that he just said that, I mean I practically just flat out rejected him I nod slightly. Lavi smiles but it was a hurt sad smile, but I reassure myself it's a smile nonetheless.

"Okay we'll be friends!"I hold my hand out but I quickly take it back because of the cuts. Lavi smiles at me, "Just to let you know, you are going to get sick of my face! By the way Allen where are your parents, I don't see any cars in the driveway." He changes his body position so he can look out the window.

"Well if we are going to be friends I'd might as well tell you about my family situation." I take a pause gathering up all my memories. "I don't know my biological parents are, and truth be told I wouldn't like to know. You see they abandoned me because of the deformity of my left arm. After being in some random circus for god knows how long I met Mana, the most caring person I've ever met. Soon after Mana gave me a name, "Allen." We left the circus we traveled with and joined another one for quite sometime, but when I was ten or so Mana was murdered. They mistaken Mana with my uncle Nea, and killed him for it. I traveled with Nea a bit but it proved to be too dangerous, and I was scarred for it literally. I moved here to America and currently live with my uncle's friend Cross. The last time I had contact with my uncle was about three months ago." I stand up abruptly.

"Whoa Allen! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Lavi places his hand where his heart is slightly panting.

"Oh I'm sorry, its just I remembered I was going to email Nea, sorry Lavi but could you show yourself out please?" As I smile Lavi slightly nods understanding I want to be alone. "Okay but if you're thinking about doing something stupid text me 'kay?" I nod, and Lavi smiles at my correct answer. Waving, Lavi takes off leaving me in silence again. I begin to wrack my brain as I walk up the stairs, just what am I going to say to Nea? It's been forever since I've emailed him, and I haven't really kept my promise. You see when Mana dies we promised that no matter how far away we were we'd always tell each other when something happened. Reaching the top step I consider the fact if I should mention the cuts. Shaking my head at that horrible idea I walk into my room grabbing my laptop from under my bed. After I start it up, I open my email and something startling makes my heart race. Nea emailed me, he never emails me first unless its earth shattering. Fearing for my life I open the email.

_ Allen,_

_Didn't we have a deal? If something bad happens we tell each other? Cross called me yesterday saying that _he_ is at your school. He also mentioned that you happen to be cutting again. What the actual hell Allen? We are the only family we got, no one else. Mana would be extremely disappointed but I can see your reasoning behind it. Don't scare me like that okay, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you killed yourself. Anyways on a more exciting note I'm heading to the States, if I'm in the area I promise I'll visit you, promise. Answer me as soon as you get this, don't do anything you would regret._

_ ~Nea_

A tear drops onto my space bar as I open a reply message. Staring at the blank screen more tears roll down my face, littering my keyboard. Swallowing I start typing a reply.

_ Nea _

_I was actually just about to email but I guess you beat me to the punch. Yes he's actually my principal, and already has tormented me about Mana actually. That's why I cut but I'm still alive and kicking. About an hour ago one of my friends came over and found out about the cuts. After that my friend confessed to me and I said I also happen to like you but I don't want to ruin your relationship. We promised to stay friends and all. I promise I'll try to stop cutting, for you and Mana. On another note I don't know what I should do about school, I can't go to school where a murder is my principal. Maybe I should just get homeschooled or something on the lines of that. I'll see you soon Nea!_

_ ~Allen_

Satisfied that I didn't reveal that Lavi was actually a guy I send the message. I quickly turn off the laptop not waiting for a reply. I slide the sleek rectangle under the bed. Really tired from the events from earlier I slide under the covers and gather the pillow into my arms. Making my mind a blank slate, I slowly drift to sleep.

**Hey guys I'm back from the break. I have two new stories coming out sometime soon so look forward to that. And I'm so sorry to the people I confused last chapter! I just wanted to get something out there and it ended up being total crap, so Im sorry. Another sorry is I haven't been on much I just started high school and I write all my fan fics by hand then type them up, its a pain trust me. But I will have new chapters out soon I promise. Thank you for reading, and see ya next time! Also side note, LONGEST CHAPTER! **


	6. Author's Note

**Hey guys, it's been awhile actually so Im going to do like an author update thingy. Im working on the next chapter of Back and Forth, so that should be out Friday or Thursday. But I really needed to say something about this story. The inspiration of this fan fic was a song, a wonderful song called When she cries, I believe. And I needed to say SUICIDE AND CUTTING ISN'T OKAY! If you are having troubles talk to someone, or even email me. My email otterduck13 don't ask... Seriously... Also in the upcoming chapters Im adding religion into the story, so sorry... Anyways that's about it I think... See ya soon!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN -MAN ALTHOUGH I WISH I DID! WHY?!**

I wake up with a sharp pain in my arms, slowly realizing that's I sliced my arms open. Reluctantly I gaze at my arms relieved that they are no longer bleeding. Sliding out of my bed I pull on a black sweatshirt and start walking down the creaking stairs. Dragging my feet to the kitchen; I grab a box of unopened of waffles and plop four into my rusting toaster. Turning to face the table I see Cross passed out on the table with a nearly empty vodka bottles. Smiling I place the cap on and place it in the cupboard. I pull my body up onto the counter and sit swinging my legs back and forth like a little kid. Couple minutes later waffles pop up and I quickly grab them before my fingers burn. Cross jolts awake and sits up and stares at me.

"What are you doing brat?" Cross rubs his head obviously trying to get rid of his hangover. I hold out a half eaten waffle, "Eating waffles." Quickly I stuff the rest of the waffles into my mouth.

"Why aren't you in school?" He begins to sound annoyed.

"Oh really, you want me to go to school where there is a demented murder, and I have six slashes in my arm!" Slamming my dishes into the sink I walk upstairs ignoring Cross' ravings. Angry I slam my door a little harder than I meant too. Need some positivity I grab my phone and text Lavi. 'Hey' I set my phone on the table and instantly my phone vibrates immediately. 'What's up?'

'Should I go to Black Order High?' As soon as I hit send anxiety builds in the middle of my chest. Why do you need to go back to such a place? My heart starts to fight with each other in a two way battle that neither side just can't win. Tears silently slip down my cheeks and I begin panicking. Why is this happening to me? I can't handle it! Hyperventilating I open the small window on my left and I fan myself with some papers I found on my desk.

"Allen? Are you okay?" Cross's voice is muffled and I begin to panic more. Knocking again but more aggressively, "Allen open this door." Voices run through my head making my heart hammer into my chest uncontrollably.

"I… Can't…" Black spots enter my vision and sounds start to become fuzzy. Eyes rolling in the back of my head everything goes black.

Blinding lights suddenly spring up, making my head hurt. Eventually it dims to a yellowish light, almost like a sunset, and I begin to think. Did I finally die? There were so many things I wanted to do… A sharp pain races up my arms like static electricity. No I can't be dead, I can feel pain. Noises begin booming all around me causing a headache. Murmuring and beeping surround me. On instinct I call out for Mana, and then the inky blackness takes over again.

This time I wake to a much dimmer light, the same noises surround me but less intense. Forcing my eyelids to open I see a white ceiling looming over me, watching me. Titling my head to the right and I see a group of slightly deflated balloons and wilted flowers gathered on an unfamiliar nightstand. This isn't my room, where am I? Panicking I sit up but quickly fall back down due to my extreme dizziness. Rolling my head I close my eyes hoping to fall back into the inky blackness, but no such luck. I'm restless and in an unknown place which is making my curiosity spike.

A clicking noise starts to echo throughout the room, it sounds like a woman walking in heels. My heart starts to beat faster as the steps come closer. "Why you are finally up Allen." A rather pretty girl walks in with a clipboard and a white lab coat. She smiles rather softly but I feel like something is off.

"Uh where am I?" I try to sit up again, ignoring my dizziness. "Oh Allen you're in a hospital! Not really exciting, but you fainted for about a couple of days and now here you are. Blood loss, go figure right?" She flips her brown hair and smiles at me again. "Now tell me Allen why are you a cutter?" She pulls up a chair and clicks her pen ready to write down anything I say about cutting.

"Why would I tell you? I want to go home now." Crossing my arms I refuse to say anything else about the subject. I don't want to talk about my suicidal habits with someone I don't know, and I can't shake this feeling something is wrong. She seems too young to be a doctor.

"Now, now Mr. Walker you aren't leaving until I get some answers. The worst that can happen is that you get sent to the loony bin." She rolls her eyes and leans forward as if anticipating me saying something. I shake my head furiously and refuse to speak anymore. "Well now Allen I'll just withdraw food from you or use other means…" She suddenly strips off lab coat and throws it in the corner of the room. The doctor comes and sits on the bed and moves closer seductively. "Now Mr. Walker, don't tell anyone about this okay?"

Her cold hands touch my face causing me to shiver, widening my eyes I instantly move backwards. The doctor's legs thread in between mine and she moves her hands to my upper thighs. Terrified I start screaming 'help' but she stuffs something into my mouth.

"We can't have someone find us can we?" Smirking she sheds her shirt and leans even closer. Tears slip down my cheeks I start kicking and flailing but she ties down my legs and arms. Closing my eyes I start to prepare for the worst. Why do these things always happen to me? It just makes me wish I hadn't wakened up.

"Doctor has Allen woken up-?" Lavi's wonderful voice floats to my ears. Hopeful I start pulling on the restraints hoping the rabbit gets the message. "What are you doing?!" The heavy body on top of me climbs off of me. "Uh… I swear I wasn't going to do anything!" Opening my eyes I see the Greek God that is Lavi Bookman Jr. I scream with my eyes. Walking over to me he pulls the choker out of my mouth. "Now what was she going to do to you?"

Lavi stares into my eyes as I cry even harder, "I want to go home Lavi, I don't want to be here…" He smiles sincerely, and nods. "You will get home soon, I promise." His eyes burn red with anger, and he pulls the doctor out of the room. Minutes later he returns to the room and unties me. Rubbing my wrists I pull Lavi into a hug. "Thank you so much." Tears slip onto his shoulder making his shirt wet.

"Don't worry about it! Now I have a surprise for you! Come on in." Someone walks into my room that I don't recognize at first but suddenly my eyes widen. "Uncle Nea?"

"Hi Allen." A warm smile creeps onto his face making me feel safe inside. "It's so great to see you."

**(A/N) I HOPE I CRUSHED YOUR FEELS CAITLIN! My objective on this story is to make you cry, it sucks I know but hey! LET'S CRY TOGETHER! Today's my mom's birthday, SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! And I hoped I made you cry too cause I know you read this... ANY WHO I'll post a new chapter as soon as I can, you know high school and all. But I have Monday off so maybe I'll post then. See ya next time!**


	8. Running Back and Forth

**Disclaimer: I don't own -Man, this is purely fan made no money is involved.**

Snow gently drifts frpm the gloomy gray sky and instantly melts as it hits the road. I love this time of year, the cold reminds me of winter in London when Mana and I would travel around. Breathing in deeply I sit down on my rusty swing. Once again I push off and drift off into my own little world. Everything has been happening so fast lately. After I got out of the hospital Nea decided that he would move back to New York after Christmas. I'm rather sad because Nea will miss my birthday but he's already missed so many times so I doesn't really matter.

Another thing that has been worrying me lately is Lavi; he's been acting on edge lately. He flinches every time I touch him; he also looks like someone has been hitting him and trust me I know what it looks like. Whenever I ask him he just laughs and changes the subject. Recently I stopped cutting because I was worried that my depressing aura would rub off on Lavi. I threw away my razors and been itching to cut ever since.

"Allen!" Speaking of the devil, the red head appears from out of a bush and runs over to where I am swinging. I put my feet down; dirt flies around me.

"Lavi did you just get out of school? It's kind of early don't you think?" Lavi looks at me with a sad smile and begins to explain.

"Well I decided to ditch my eighth hour because that's the only class I have with Tyki and I don't want to deal with him at the moment." He laughs and twists his swing sideways.

"What's going on between the two of you?"

"Nothing that I can't handle by myself Allen, you have enough to worry about." Lavi dismisses me with a wave and something snaps within me. Hopping off the swing I grab the chains that hold Lavi up, getting rust all over my hands.

"I'm getting tired of your excuses Lavi! Tell me what's wrong damnit or I swear I'll start cutting again!" Taken aback by this news Lavi pulls up my sleeve and looks at my healing scars. I glare at him until he says something.

"I didn't know…"

"Well know you do, now tell me what is your problem baka rabbit ears!" I lean closer so I can give Lavi a good glare but he quickly grabs my chin and gently presses his lips against mine. My breath escapes from my body and enjoy the kiss while it lasts. He pulls away and I begin to feel my face burn, Lavi tries not to laugh at my reaction.

"Allen you look cute when you're surprised…" He leans back in for another but I fall backwards. Dumbfounded I glare at him, really confused of what just happened. Why, out of all people why does he like me? Why can't he just go have fun with his boyfriend or something? Regaining my composure I get up and sit back on the swing.

"You distracted me again! You didn't tell me what's wrong!" As I yell at him Lavi tries not to laugh. I roll my eyes at him and begin to swing once more.

"I forgot how cute your British accent was… I'll tell you though. It's Tyki, its just he knows how I feel about you and he doesn't like it. Not one bit." Lavi stands up and kicks a pebble across the weed infested playground.

"Well I think you should follow how you feel, not abide by what someone else says."

"But that's the thing Allen he won't let me! Whenever I think about breaking up he gives me a reason not to, or he intoxicates me with his lips." When Lavi says that I begin to feel jealousy rage within my body.

"Do you want me to help you Lavi?" I walk over to where the red head crouches down. He plucks petals off of a withering flower and throws them over his shoulder.

"I don't know Allen, I don't know."

Lavi decides that he wants to walk me home and sadly I let him. I'm just torturing Lavi with not being with him but in a way he's also torturing himself. For the first couple of minutes we have this awkward silence hanging around us but I decide to break the tension.

"I think I'm probably just going to be in homeschooling for school when Nea comes back…" My eyes dart around mostly just avoiding Lavi's face.

"Why are you so afraid of our principal Allen? He's pretty much the nicest guy ever." Lavi pokes my cheek and I slap his hand away playfully.

"Well you remember that I told you my father was murdered right? Well the principal kind of looks like him, and it isn't bringing up good memories…" My eyes begin to water as I think about Mana; I quickly wipe them away before Lavi notices.

"Oh I understand why-..."

"LAVI BOOKMAN!" A voice echoes throughout the block. Looking at Lavi I see his eyes have widened and he trembles slightly. Concerned I look down the street and I see a rather dark man running towards us. The red head grabs my hand and yanks me forward. He quickly breaks out into a sprint and drags me along with him. Matching his pace, I try to ask him who that was but my words get lost over my panting.

"Come on." Lavi yanks me into a nearby bush and we hide. Something covers my mouth and I struggle to breathe. Thumping footsteps match my quickening heartbeat; a rapid blur flies into my vision and quickly out. Once the final footsteps echo out of our hearing range Lavi slowly takes his hand away from my mouth and walks out of the bush. Struggling to get out of the bush the red head grabs my hand and yanks me out which leads me to fall into his arms. After a splendid warm ten seconds I push him away blushing.

"No Lavi, I want to go home." He looks at me with pleading eyes but I shake my head and walk ahead of him.

"Allen, I'm-..." Lavi's sentence is cut short when footsteps echo around us again, terrified Lavi runs off in the other direction leaving me standing there awestruck. Looking around I see that the man in black is running towards _me _and eventually he comes up, obviously winded, and places his hands on my shoulders.

"Why were you with my Lavi?" He says that sentence almost like he's entitled for Lavi which is total nonsense. His hands begin to grip my shoulder even harder and a dull pain begins to throb beneath his grip.

"I apologize but can't you remove your hands so we can talk about this like civilized people?" Damn me and my polite conversation skills. I was always told to be polite even if I had a knife pointed at my throat. Luckily this guy can understand the simple concept I was proposing so he loosened his grip and drops his hands to his hips.

I chuckle softly, "thank you. I'm assuming you know Lavi?"

"Yea he is my boyfriend." Crossing his arms against his chest he begins to look me up and down examining every inch of my body. Great the infamous Tyki is checking me out, my day just keeps getting better and better. I control my anger and jealousy and continue to be suave.

"I've heard about you!" I chuckle again to lighten his and my mood.

"Good things I presume?"

_God who does he think he is? The prince of England? _"More or less." Smiling I begin to think of ways to escape this horrible predicament that I'm in. If only I was a faster runner.

"Are you Allen?" Shocked I prepare for the worst and nod slightly. Tyki leans so close that he is almost touching my face. "Lavi wasn't lying, you _are_ cute. Okay, I've made up my mind. I'll break up with Lavi on the only condition that you become _my_ boyfriend."

"Are you kidding me? Why in the hell would I do that?" It's official, angry British person mode has been activated! With my accent in full swing Tyki looks more interested.

"You like Lavi right? Don't be afraid of your feelings admit it." After a long pause I nod my head slightly.

"Well aren't you like a puppy? Cute and obedient. Go out with me and your precious Lavi won't be hurt anymore." I could have sworn I heard purring in his voice.

"You promise that you won't lay a finger on him." Tyki nods. In a sigh of defeat I nod and say," It's a deal."

**(A/N) Hey guys! Sorry its been about 2 months since I've added and new chapter to Back and Forth and I feel terrible about it. I have so many ideas but not all of the are relvent to the story and I found them kinda boring :/ so what was the point really? I finally got an ideas and I asked my sister and she helpped me go through with it so THANK YOU WONDERFUL SEESTAH! Hahaha so I do have another chapter idea so look forward to it within the next couple of weeks. Thanks for sticking with me throughout this long period of nothingness. I own you guys a lot. So just remember I LOVES YOU GUYS AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!**


	9. Cheers to Egg Nog!

**Disclaimer: I don't own -Man nor am I making money off this FAN MADE story. Thank you!**

I didn't see Lavi for a week after the incident with Tyki, and let me just tell you that week was basically hell for me. On Tuesday I went on a movie date with Tyki, first complaint! One, all he insisted on doing was making out which I do not enjoy on the first date, he's response when I slapped his arm was "wouldn't it be a shame if something happened to Lavi?" Ladies and gentlemen I am officially being blackmailed, and it sucks big time. So when he shoved his tongue down my throat I almost vomited, and Tyki kept doing it on purpose just to piss me off.

After the movies Tyki came with me to the dollar store because I needed little items for Christmas/birthday dinner this Friday. While I was walking through the aisles with a basket on my arm like a purse I felt like someone was watching me. Shivers were sent down my spine. Shaking it off I walk down the bathroom aisle and I see something shimmer out the corner of my eye. Razors, my old nemesis. Looking straight forward I ignore them even though I felt my willpower slowly crumbling down into tiny pieces. Remember Allen you stopped for a reason, for Mana and Lavi. Maybe even Nea if I'm in the correct mood. They would all be saddened if I decided to cave in now. As I walk out of the aisle Tyki tries to kiss me but I slap him.

"Feisty, I like that…" He raises his eyebrows as I look at him incredulously. _Maybe I should get mouthwash if this is what my relationship with him is going to be like…_

That itching feeling is tempting right? Our own desires drive us to the brink of madness and make us do stupid things. I like to think that's how I ended up with that horrible person as a boyfriend. In my mind it's ridiculous really. The things we will do for people with no thanks in return. What am I saying? Sometimes my inner poet get the better of me. Sighing I lean back in my office chair, pushing myself off the desk I spin around. Throwing my head backwards I enjoy the sensation of all my problems fly past me. Slowly halting to a stop the screen on my phone lights up with a new text message. Curious I unlock it to see my one and only desire texted me.

** 9:10 Hey Bean sprout! You should totally come over to my house for Christmas or are you gonna be too busy for your BF? LOL!**

I stare at this text in disbelief, and try hard not to laugh. God what is Lavi thinking. Shaking my head I reply back.

_9:12 Eh, not really but I am making a Christmas/birthday dinner._

**9:13 party at your place then? XP**

_9:14 I not really big on parties…_

**9:20 I'll be there ;)**

It's pointless to argue with stupid people, I remind myself.

I dash around the house to get it cleaned up before Lavi comes over. I already put a small ham into the oven and started everything else. Wiping sweat off my forehead I stretch out my back. Looking around I'm satisfied with my awesome cleaning skills and I put the broom back into the cabinet. Swiftly I move into the kitchen and work on the mashed potatoes. The oven beeps signaling that the turkey is finished, putting on two oven mitts I pull in out and gently set in on the counter. Removing the mitts I pick up my tiny journal and begin to write the beginnings of a poem since I have nothing else to do until Lavi gets here.

_Have you ever had that feeling that you're the only friend in this entire world? Everyone else against you? You against the world all alone right? Sure you might be surrounded by those claiming friends but you are breaking inside from that loneliness. No one left to pick up the pieces. That one person that helps you up is so far away though almost an afterthought._

_ There are nights were you just want to break down and cry until there are no more feelings anymore. I want to be that robot, that can't feel, so then I can't be hurt anymore._

_ Life is sad but in a beautiful kind of way. Since when is sadness be a beauty? Who knows… maybe when you live and escape that darkness the sadness becomes beautiful. All the sad things are beautiful and the beautiful things are sad. _

_ What of the happy beauty though? Has it disappeared from those who have that beautiful sadness? Nay not disappeared just escaped to a different Eden where those beautiful can find real beauty._

As I put my pen down the doorbell rings and I run to open it. Just as I expected there was the red head looking as great as he usually does. Ushering him in he looks around inspecting every nook and cranny as if looking for something.

"You know what this place is missing?"

"Uh, a duster? I really need a better one of those…"

"No Bean Sprout, this!" He holds out a box and I cautiously take it from his hand. Removing the top it reveals a necklace that has a black cross on it. Turing I look at him with wide eyes.

"Lavi, how did you know I believe in…?"

"I stalk you when you go to Church duh." He chuckles and offers a better explanation. "I saw you at Church the other day. My grandfather makes me go." I smile and hug him softly.

"Thank you Lavi, I really appreciate this, but I didn't give you anything…"

"Don't worry, a meal is fine enough." He pushes me into the kitchen and makes me cut the ham before he starves to death. The entire meal we were joking and just being happy. I don't think I will forget this memory, but for the next part I wish I could forget. Evert last bit of it.

After I went to the bathroom Lavi proposed a toast, with egg nog, that we remain friends after anything that would happen. Of course I knew he wanted to be more than friends he just wouldn't admit it. Shortly after we settle on the couch, and begin to watch Christmas movies. About half way through Frosty the Snowman I began to feel groggy and tired. I tell Lavi he should carry me up to my room and he quickly complies strangely. After that I don't really remember much, just sensations nothing more. When I woke up Lavi only said one thing over and over again.

"I'm so so so so sorry Allen! I didn't mean too!"

**(A/N) HI GUYS! Recently I realized this chapter is a different writing style than the earlier chapters. I'm trying to make it more humorous, but if that bothers you PLEASE LE ME KNOW! Well... um that's really all I have to say... so yea... this is awkward... Well I'll work on the next chapter it will be up soon, promise! (Hopefully) Well it should be posted by next Saturday at least. That's about it so SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER! MWHAHAHAHAHA**


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